I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
