end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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