He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize