party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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