just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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