Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
She made me pour olive oil on her.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
