Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The best revenge is premature balding
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
