That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
