K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
50% drunk capacity currently
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
