Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.

Fav 33 1028 6323
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(732): View more from New Jersey

you tipped EVERY employee at white castle

Fav 15 6654 1277
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey

Fav 3 4218 1049
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(720): View more from Colorado

Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend

Fav 5 3694 1198
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(386): View more from Florida

I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.

Fav 13 2094 1889
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(828): View more from North Carolina

i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed

Fav 3 1745 2584
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(530): View more from California

It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.

Fav 8 2725 1351
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(586): View more from Michigan

woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.

Fav 1 341 186
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(813): View more from Florida

Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”

Fav 1 58 5
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