Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize