Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
