someone threw a dead crab at me
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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