if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
