1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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