My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize