why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
