Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
