Someone shit on the floor
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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