Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
