I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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