should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
