I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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