I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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