whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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