Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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