you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
