He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
