Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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