If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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