I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
