I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
