Already got asked if we're dating
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
