I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
