Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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