does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
