I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
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