The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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