Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
