You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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