I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
