dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize