He told me they were just razor bumps!
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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