then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
