Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
