gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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