Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
