she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
