I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
