so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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