At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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