went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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