omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
When are your genitals available?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
