just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
