Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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