I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
