bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
