You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize