They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
