if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
