check it out our google latitudes are spooning
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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