I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I need to sanitize my soul.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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