I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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