He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
