he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he shaved USA in his pubs
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
