On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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