My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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