he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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