i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
