Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
