At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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