it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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