Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
