You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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