I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We had to coat check the pizza.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
