went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
