I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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