So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
