my vag is so smooth its legendary
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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