Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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