Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
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