My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
