Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
