Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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