What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Are we still banned from the library?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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