I can tuck mytits in my pants
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
In America we eat man semen.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
