i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
